She loved me or so i thought

Hey everyone, welcome back to Match With Filipinas. I’m really glad you’re here today because we’re going to talk about something that doesn’t get enough attention but affects so many foreign men dating in the Philippines. It’s called the Obligation Trap—a complex mix of love, family, and expectations that can catch you off guard if you’re not prepared.

Let me tell you a story that starts like a dream... and almost ended in disaster.

There’s a man named David, a 52-year-old electrician from Australia. He had worked hard his whole life, saved up for retirement, and had finally decided to spend a year traveling Southeast Asia. What he didn’t expect was to fall in love—in the Philippines—with a beautiful woman named Rowena.

She was kind. Gentle. Soft-spoken. Twenty years younger but wise beyond her years. She had that sincerity in her eyes that made David feel seen, valued—something he hadn’t felt in years.

They met in a small town outside Dumaguete. She worked part-time as a cashier and helped care for her younger siblings. Her father had passed away. Her mother was sickly. David admired how devoted she was to her family. He found it beautiful, even inspiring.

And that—right there—was the beginning of his fall into the obligation trap.

David and Rowena started dating seriously. He stayed in the Philippines longer than planned. Her family welcomed him warmly—at first.

He was invited to birthdays, family lunches, Sunday Mass, and quiet evening hangouts in front of their home. He helped buy food sometimes. Paid for a tricycle ride here and there. It felt normal. After all, he loved her. She loved him. And they were becoming like family, right?

One night, Rowena opened up to him in tears. Her younger brother had dropped out of school because they couldn’t afford the fees. David felt a pang of sadness for them. He offered to help.

It felt like a good deed. But that was the first thread.

Once that door was opened, things shifted.

Her aunt got sick. Could David help with a little for medicine? Her mother needed to see a doctor again. Could he pay for the check-up? The electricity bill was overdue. They were about to be disconnected. Her youngest sister needed shoes for school.

David didn’t mind at first. These weren’t huge amounts. And Rowena never asked directly—she would just mention them in tears, or in worry. And he loved her.

Then, one day, her older cousin’s husband had a motorcycle accident. The whole family was panicking. They were pooling money for surgery. Could David lend a hand? It was urgent.

David hesitated. It wasn’t her immediate family. But… he didn’t want to seem cold. So he helped again.

This is how the obligation trap works.

It doesn’t come as a demand. It comes as soft pressure, masked in love. It comes with words like:

“You’re part of the family now.”

“You’re the only one we can rely on.”

“I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“If you truly love me…”

David started to feel drained. Every month, there was something. Some problem. Some crisis. Some bill. He began sending more money back home than he ever spent on his own life.

One night, he looked at his bank account and realized… he’d spent $18,000 in ten months. That was nearly half of his retirement fund.

And it hit him: How did this happen?

David confronted Rowena.

He told her he needed to take a break from supporting her family financially. He wanted to focus on their relationship—not being the bank.

That’s when the mask slipped.

Rowena was silent for a long time. Then she cried. Then she said, “If you really loved me, you’d help. We are suffering. You’re rich. You don’t understand our pain.”

David replied, “I do love you. But I’m not here to save your entire family. I want to build a future with you, not be used.”

And just like that—she grew distant. Cold. Her texts slowed. Her smile disappeared. He started noticing she wasn’t affectionate unless he paid for something. He was beginning to wonder if the love had been real at all—or just a means to an end.

This isn’t just David’s story. This is the story of thousands of foreign men who date in cultures where family loyalty comes before romantic love.

Here’s what you need to understand:

In the West, we marry away from family. In the Philippines, you marry into the family. Children often support parents financially. It’s seen as a duty. It’s not wrong—it’s just different.

But when you, as a foreigner, come in, you are seen as a potential provider.

Many of these families aren’t malicious. They’re simply raised in a culture where sharing is expected. You have money. They don’t. Helping is normal to them. To you, it feels like manipulation. To them, it feels like survival.

The real danger is emotional manipulation—not scams. It’s the guilt. The subtle suggestion that you’re a bad person if you say no. That’s where many men crack.

If you start giving without limits, you’ll be expected to keep giving. Instead, say:

“I care about you, but I’m not comfortable supporting your family financially. Let’s focus on us first.”

Ask early on:

“How does your family see my role?”

“What kind of help do they expect from us as a couple?”

“Are you okay with us being financially independent from your family?”

Her answers will reveal a lot.

Say no once—see how she responds. A genuine woman might be disappointed but respectful. A user will guilt-trip you, give you the silent treatment, or hint that you’re selfish.

You are not their savior. You’re a partner. Be kind, but firm. Helping is okay—being used is not.

David ended the relationship.

It was painful. He still loved Rowena. But he knew now that the love wasn’t equal. It was based on what he could give—not who he was.

Months later, he met someone else—Joy. A single mom who worked hard, never asked him for anything, and even refused his offer to help with her rent.

He said no once—and she didn’t flinch. That’s when he knew she was different.

They built something slowly. He helped where he could, but never out of pressure. He finally found someone who didn’t need a hero—just a partner.

Falling in love in the Philippines can be beautiful.

But remember:

Love without boundaries becomes obligation.

And obligation without respect becomes slavery.

The obligation trap is real—but it’s avoidable. Stay grounded. Be smart. Give with heart, not with guilt.

And if a woman only loves you when you're giving?

That’s not love at all.

Thank you so much for watching and spending this time with me. I hope David’s story helped you see the importance of setting boundaries and protecting yourself while still opening your heart. Love in the Philippines can be beautiful and rewarding—but it’s important to be wise and stay grounded.