SETTING BOUNDARIES IN THE PHILIPPINES

You’ve probably heard it a million times — relationships take time. But when you’re living in the Philippines as an expat, there’s this unspoken rush that happens sometimes. I get it — the pace of life here is different, the connections are quicker, and there’s a certain warmth and hospitality that can make it feel like everyone’s ready to be your friend, or even more than that, faster than you expect. But I’ve seen enough to know that rushing into a relationship here isn’t always the smartest move.

Let me tell you something personal — I’m an introvert. And with that, I have some very strong boundaries. I don’t let anyone into my life who doesn’t respect those boundaries. It might sound a little rigid to some people, but I’ve learned the hard way that if you don’t set those limits early on, you end up in situations that aren’t comfortable, and sometimes, downright painful.

Now, I know a lot of expats struggle with this. Setting boundaries, especially in a new culture, can be tricky. There’s this pressure to go with the flow, to be polite, to not rock the boat, and maybe even please everyone around you. But trust me, you’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t make your limits clear from the very beginning of a relationship.

And here’s the thing: the foundation of any relationship is set in those first few months. The first six months — that’s the critical period. This is when the patterns are set, when expectations are formed, and when respect is either built or broken. If you’re not upfront about your boundaries in those early days, they’ll be harder to establish later on, and before you know it, you’ll find yourself in situations that leave you feeling trapped, overwhelmed, and frustrated.

I’ve seen this happen too many times — expats getting involved in relationships too quickly, rushing through the honeymoon phase without taking the time to observe, learn, and adapt to the new culture and the new person they’re with. There’s this tendency to jump in and get emotionally involved before really understanding the dynamics of Filipino culture, which is so different from what many of us are used to.

So, here’s my advice: Don’t rush into a relationship. Take your time. In the first few months, focus on getting to know your potential partner and, just as importantly, getting to know the culture. Give yourself time to understand the expectations, the communication styles, and how family dynamics work here. It’s not about playing games; it’s about making sure that you’re both on the same page and that you’re building something solid, not just rushing into something because it feels good in the moment.

I’ll tell you something I’ve learned — Filipino women, and I’ve seen this happen a lot, tend to fall in love quickly. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, the kind of love that develops fast can sometimes be shallow, or even misguided. It’s often tied to the excitement of newness, the thrill of the chase, or the idea of the future together, without fully understanding each other’s needs, boundaries, and even differences. If you're not careful, you can find yourself in a relationship where you're not really known for who you are, but more for who the other person wants you to be.

That’s why I always recommend this: Stay single for a while. Date around, take it slow, and learn about the culture and the people you’re interacting with. When you do finally get into a relationship, you’ll have a much clearer picture of what you want, what you need, and what you’re willing to accept.

Don’t let the pressure of family or the eagerness of a potential partner push you into something you’re not ready for. Be a man and be smart about it. Setting boundaries isn’t about being harsh; it’s about knowing your limits and protecting your peace. I’ve learned that lesson, and trust me — it’ll save you from a lot of heartache down the road.

And when it comes to setting those boundaries, be clear from the start. If you’re an introvert like me, make it known that you need time for yourself. If you don’t want constant visits from family or a partner who’s too clingy, don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed to say something. Speak up early on, and you’ll set the tone for the entire relationship. Relationships should add to your life, not drain it.

Remember, don’t settle for anything less than mutual respect. Take your time, build slowly, and make sure that the foundation you’re laying is strong enough to last. And always, always be mindful of your boundaries. They’re there for a reason, and you’ll be much better off if you stand firm on them from day one.